My siblings often told me that my love for my
mom was abnormal, that my love for my mom was too much and that I will do
anything just to make her happy. But I don’t think that’s true at all. My
sibling told me that I never disagree in whatever my mom told me, always follow
her point of view, always think that my mom was right all the time in whatever kind
of situation. But I think that’s just because I love her so very much. I think
that’s what you do when you love someone. It does not mean that I blindly
follow all her words without thinking at all but I just take all her advices
and make it convenience for me. What’s she said was not wrong but that does not
mean that it was right, but I don’t see any reasons to argue and ignore her
words. It is just her way to convey that she loves me with giving me advices,
reminds me when I’m wrong and I don’t see anything that makes my love for my
mom was abnormal. I think my siblings just jealous with how much love I had for
my mom.
I just love my mom so very much. I still
remember when I was a little girl, my parents often asked me the same question
as any parents would ask. They asked me, “which do you love the most? Is it mom
or dad?”. I remember that I struggled to answer that because I knew that I love
my mom the most but at the same time I did not want to disappoint my father.
So, I just answered that I love them both equally. My memory just ended like
that until my mom told me the continuation of that situation later when I was
already an adult. It turns out after I told them that I loved both of them
equally, I would go to my mom and whispers to her ears saying “but I love you
the most mom” thinking that my dad wouldn’t hear that. How naïve of me but that
just proves how much I love her since I was just a little girl.
I remember that when I was a kid I hated going
to my mother’s hometown. I just hated all of them. I hated my mom’s siblings, I
hated my cousins, I hated my mom’s parent, I hated the fact that my mom will
left me playing with my cousins alone and she will go somewhere else that I
didn’t knew about. I hated my cousins because they are older than me and always
making fun of me when it was not funny at all. But I can’t do anything since
they were older than me and that fact frustrates me the most. I hated my aunts
and uncles because when I did something wrong, they always laughed at me and
did not bother to correct me at all. All they did was different from my mom. It
was so uncomfortable. I hated going there so very much. Whenever my mom told me
that we’re going there, I always wished that I was sick so I don’t need to be
there. But, whenever I see her enjoying her time at her parents’ house,
enjoying the company of her siblings while reminiscing their memories together,
I just shut my mouth and never complained anything to her. I just want to see
her enjoying her time there even though it was hell for me. I can go there as
many time as she wants me to be if that could bring her smile. She also must
love her mother the same way I loved her. Oh, how I wish she knew how much I
love her and realized that I would do anything to make her happy.
But lately, my mom seems to be disappointed in
me. She said that I was different. She said that I changed. But I think I was
the same old girl I always been. My mom said it was wrong of me to be mad at
her. Well, I’m sorry for having emotions but I can’t help for being frustrated
when she ignores me. I aware that she was busy but I’m just a human with lots
of emotions. I tried my best to control my feelings from taking over me but it
seems like I failed. I disappoint her. But, nobody ever bothers to listen to me
at all. Not even her. Everyone around me just busy giving me advices, saying that
I was wrong, saying that I had no right to do that to my mom when they did not
know how much I love my mom and how much I hope that I will never make her sad.
But I’m sorry mom, I did not realize that after all, I’m just a weak human. She
said that she had high expectations for me, she cannot tolerate when I make
some mistakes because I’m her special daughter. I’m aware of that because all
my life, I always try no to be a burden to her, I always try to be the best
daughter in the world so she’ll never had any worries. Even though she treats
me the same as my other siblings, I never complained and I tried harder than
anyone else to be a better daughter. And I did not mind that at all because I never
asked for anything in return, I just want to make this life easier for her by
having me as her daughter. Nobody will ever know how much I love my mom, not
even my mom.
