Meals that will keep you warm~

        Tonight, I finished all the seasons and all the chapters of manga food wars. Realizing that that was the last episode of the anime, I felt…lonely. This anime series was always with me as far as I know, on the day when I felt lonely, on the day when there’s no one for me to talk to, on the day when I can’t sleep no matter how hard I try and also on the day when I was overwhelmed with all the responsibility for me as an adult. All the while, there was always another episode for me to watch.

        As anyone who’s fallen in love with a story knows, feelings of hopelessness and emptiness are normal after finishing a deeply engaging series. It is the sadness felt after reading or watching a really long series. The bitter feeling when you know the journey is over but you don’t want it to end. This is exactly what I feel right now.

        Even so, in the end, I can’t help but feeling jealous towards them. I hope I also can find someone who I want to spend the rest of my life with, just like the protagonist. To have someone you want to cook more than anyone else, someone special. Someone you want to dedicate the best food you’ve ever made to, forever. I guess there’s not many people who got luck as he did, to have the chance to be with the person he loves, forever. I understand that because I can’t even meet with the person I longed for, for years. 

 

My Name, the gift you gave me

 

    The sun shines through with a red afterimage on the other sides of my eyelids. With the notebook and pen in my cheap bag, I’m giving up. I still remember the moon that I saw at the midnight yesterday. But, no matter how much I draw, it isn’t pretty and it’s not the fault of the paint that I chose.

    Lately, I’ve been searching for the reason if I’m able to remain as myself.  ‘I guess no one would notice if I were gone’, I whispered as I looked up to the sky, alone. Then amid the wind from somewhere far of, I heard you called out my name ~ a gift that allowed me to remain who I am.

    Whenever I’m darkened by sadness and my tears overflow, whenever my heart floods with loneliness and begins to waste away… I will always remember the name that you gave me, the only reason that I’m allowed to live as I am now.

Thanks for giving me a reason to live proudly, with the name you gave me. 

Ramadan Mubarak

    I wish you can see the mise-en-scene of my room right now as I’m currently writing this email to you, because it is the coziest setting ever. Looking outside the window, the sunset itself mesmerized me. The bright red-orange colour, the wind that blew ever so softly as the sun was its peak to set completely,ready to welcome the holy month of the year. It’s 7pm in the evening, I’ve just finished washing up myself, and I’m already in my telekung, waiting for umi and Abah before going to the masjid together to perform our first taraweeh for this year. And here I am snuggled in the corner of my bed, sitting cross-legged with my laptop on my…lap. ‘Harapan Ramadhan’ by Raihan is playing which gives me plenty of *feels* as I write this entry. 

    Yes, we’ve come to the first Ramadan of 2021 and may Allah give us the strength to fulfill the needs of this month. Since last year was a pandemic year, tonight will be more exciting because we are allowed to perform taraweeh at the masjid. It certainly gives more *feels* of Ramadan to me as we are able to meet other people and perform taraweeh together. I miss those feelings and I hope I’ll be able to not skip any taraweeh this year too.

    I hope we can do our utmost best for this Ramadan despite our busy schedules. I pray that our Ramadan this year will be filled with nothing but goodness, blessings and closeness to Him and I pray that I have the honour to write again for Ramadan in the next year, In shaa Allah.

(wrote this on first Ramadan but forgot to publish it --')